10 reasons i will never give up on black men

I recently came across an article published on MadameNoire's site entitled, "8 Reasons to Date a White Man."  Here is a concise version of the list posted on MN:

  • White men are less likely to be on the down low
  • They're not looking for someone to take care of them
  • They Attend & Graduate from college
  • Attempt to marry before making children
  • They don't act out rap music
  • Black men are always trying to shine, White men are better at financial planning
  • White men are more willing to turn a hoe into a housewife
  • White men don't take everything as a challenge to their masculinity

While my counterparts and I all agreed that some of the statements made were just outright ignorant, it occurred to me that instead of bashing the men whom I adore so much, as Black women, we are all in this together and it is our duty to uplift and challenge them to do better.  So, while I am not opposed to dating outside my race, here are some reasons I will never completely rule Black men out of my dating pool.

1.  NATURAL PROVIDERS 

Most are born with little to no resources, and thus, have an innate resiliency.  They are resourceful and capitalize on what is given to them.  Movies like Baby Boy constantly reinforce that Black men are looking to be taken care of.  However, Black men take their roles as the head of the household extremely seriously.  As a woman, in times of struggle I would much rather stand beside a man who knows how to make something from nothing, than to be with someone who doesn't know how to cope outside of privilege.  Yes, you could do it all by yourself, but a real man wouldn't let you-- no matter his race.

2. NOT HAVING TO EXPLAIN CULTURAL REFERENCES.  

I don't have to tell you why I wrap my hair at night. I can blast Migos in your car after work to unwind and you won't ask me questions.  You know who I'm referring to when I say that your cousin comes over acting like Bruh-man from the 5th flo'.  You are more likely to understand my plight as a Black woman, because you are more likely to have experienced discrimination in some form.  You just get me.

3.  BLACK MEN ARE NOT INTIMIDATED BY BLACK WOMEN.  

The angry Black woman portrayed by the media is not indicative of all Black women and, in fact, are a disservice to our multi-dimensional personalities.  I need a partner who isn't afraid to give me constructive criticism, and won't take it personal if it's Just One of Them Days.  & is not afraid to wrestle with me (again, this is my personal list).

4.  UNDERSTANDING OF THE NONTRADITIONAL, LARGE FAMILY UNIT.  

I need someone to understand why I have so many cousins, and why they're all like my siblings.  The way the Banks family took in Will has been happening in my family for years, unapologetically.  I need him to understand that we will not host every holiday at our house but will rotate, visit aunts, and have obsessively long family reunions.

5.  BLACK FATHERHOOD IS BEAUTIFUL.

Children deserve to know what personal examples of Black fathers are.  If every woman of color gives up on every man of color, how could we discredit them by saying they aren't good fathers if we never give them the chance?  Men like Cliff Huxtable aren't as far-fetched as the media portrays.

6.  PHYSICALLY BEAUTIFUL

Black don't crack-- not even for our men.  Look at our major sex symbols: Denzel Washington, Morris Chestnut, and Shemar Moore.  They have been around for decades and continue to age like fine wine.  Not to mention taking care of these bodies.

7.  SWAG OFTEN MISAPPROPRIATED BY OTHER CULTURES.  

You can imitate the product, but never the source.  The way you change out those Ferragamo's after work and slip the J's on to go out.  Justin Bieber is cute and all, but his style originated from somewhere.

8.  THE WAY THEY LOOK WHEN THEY GET READY FOR WORK IN THE MORNING.  

Have you seen him getting ready for work in the morning?  Black men are not expected to have good jobs, so, when they do..... Jesus. I like my men educated; these Black men graduating from top-tier schools are the crème de la crème.  Overcoming adversity is and will always be sexy, and there's nothing more unstoppable than a Black man in a well-tailored suit.

9.  BECAUSE WHEN WE UPLIFT YOU, YOU UPLIFT US.  

The issue of rap music and misogyny.  While I don't condone nor advocate for these lyrics, we are quick to portray Black men as the top misogynists when the same context is portrayed in rock 'n roll music.  One thing is for certain: not every woman is worthy of their affection, just like not every man is worthy of yours.  Even the toughest men have a soft spot for their mother-figure (as you'll come to realize the first time you listen to him get off the phone with her).  When he gets comfortable enough to put you on that pedestal, he will treat you like a Queen: an honor in itself because it's not a title he gives to everyone.  Remember that the types of men you deal with says more of you than it does of them.  Womanizers come in all shapes, sizes, and colors.  If you demand respect your chances of falling victim to one are more likely to be cut down tremendously.

10.  BECAUSE I, MYSELF, AM FLAWED.  

The Bible tells us that woman was made from man and, as a Black woman, I feel as though giving up on all Black men would in theory be giving up on myself.  One Black man is not representative of the whole, just like I am not the spokesman for all Black women.

Toi Bly